21st night..


this is my lunch.. my usual lunch for working there.. ^^

haha so i go get 1 although my house already got like 5 le.. haha

i got the bitter chocolate le..

1:10 am

hmnx..
i thought it over le..
from now on i wouldn't go fan him or what le..
i will leave him the way he wants..
i just want him to be happy..
i know that seeing me doesn't make him any happier..
since there is 1.5 months more of holidays..
maybe i can use this time to make myself get over it..
i still wish to be friends with him if possible..
i know it gonna be hard..
but i will try my best..
hopefully to him, there isn't only the bad impression of me..
i hope he will remember the times we spent together,
the difficulties we went thru before getting together,
all the things he said to me, did for me, things i said to him, did for him..
every single thing of me..
i hope he will remember them..
and hopefully he wouldn't forget about me..
p.s: i will try to get over him but doesn't mean i'm gonna stop loving him..
i know i can't force him to love me the way he did..
but i still wish that he will come back to me.. iloveyou..


Jenny Yang - 不公平

走了那麼遠 發現你不在身邊
獨自走過了什麼 自己都不了解
未來的藍圖應該有你 不該只剩嘆息
只是偶爾 淚流不停

堅強的理由 只是自己騙自己
你眼中的恐懼 說什麼都多餘
付出的一切值不值得 永遠不會有答案
只有天知道我有多麼愛你

一顆心屬於一個人 在愛情裡什麼算公平
愛的深也傷的深 是不是催眠了自己
一顆心屬於我自己 愛情裡找不到公平
而當你最後選擇了逃避 我學會不公平

堅強的理由 只是自己騙自己
你眼中的恐懼 說什麼都多餘
付出的一切值不值得 永遠不會有答案
只有天知道我有多麼愛你

一顆心屬於一個人 在愛情裡什麼算公平
愛的深也傷的深 是不是催眠了自己
一顆心屬於我自己 愛情裡找不到公平
而當你最後選擇了逃避 我學會不公平

一顆心屬於一個人 在愛情裡什麼算公平
愛的深也傷的深 是不是催眠了自己
一顆心屬於我自己 愛情裡找不到公平
而當你最後選擇了逃避 我學會不公平

本來就不公平

i'm not gonna stop loving you and waiting for you..

3:52 am

20th night..


exams finished le..
i should be happy..
but i don't seem to be..

anyway..
the paper today was in the sports hall..
so everyone took the paper there..
the hall too big too many people le..
so i was unable to find him.. =(
after paper i went to toilet..
when i came out, i saw him sitting alone behind the pillar..
maybe that's why my eyelid was jumping yesterday ba..
a good omen.. ^^ *thanks god again..*
i didn't know where i got the courage..
i walked to him and shoved my hand in front of him..
then i said 'hi' and sat beside him..
i had no idea why i did that..
we didn't talk.. i just sat there..
then i remembered that i promised him to get out of his sight..
so i walked away after saying a simple 'byebye'..
then tears filled my eyes..
that might be the last time i see him for the next 1month plus.. haix..
anyway he seemed that he do not wish to see me..
i walked to business school de Cheers and stood in front of the drinks fridge..
i took a bottle of lemon barley which i never liked to drink and paid for it.. (he likes it..)
then i washed my thoat with it, hoping to stop my tears from falling..
ok, i failed..
stayed at business school for some time to calm myself down..

then i left school and took bus to interchange..
then to ntuc to buy things my mother wanted me to get..
and i got my honey milk tea..
reached home at 6pm and watched the last episode, which is also my favourite episode of 'it started with a kiss'..
it was the wedding part of zhi shu and xiang qing..
that was so sweet.. haix..
then blah blah blah~~
my dinner was rice + 3soya sauce chicken wings..

tomorrow i'm gonna work at the shop again..
then next wednesday onwards i will work there for 1 whole week because my mother going back hong kong..
so as a result..
i'm not going for the japanese singapore xchange programme le..
then after my mother comes back..
i will get myself to work outside..
i haven't found anything yet..
so hope to get one..
it would be good if i can work whole day long without rest and throughout my leftover holidays..
i just wanna occupy all my time with things..
i too hope to work even after school reopens..
but i doubt my parents will allow that.. haix.
see how ba..

going to watch x-family..
cya people..

2:12 am

11:59 pm

羅志祥 - 好朋友

像兩首節拍不同的歌　
卻又同時被愛情合奏　
旋律勉強著
愉快不能夠假裝快樂　
你心中有寬闊的天空　
但空氣好稀薄

曾經以為等待會改變什麼　
你總會屬於我　
但是最後時間證明了　你只喜歡我

你說我比較像你的好朋友　
只是不小心擁抱著　
你道歉　你難過　於是我給你笑容　
誰在乎我的心　還會不會寂寞　

如果愛情是五線譜　
我曾希望用全音符　
吟唱出　愛上你　 那完整的幸福　
當你的心沒有耳朵　
即使我為你唱著歌　
你也只　看見我哭了

你說我比較像你的好朋友
只是不小心擁抱著
你道歉 你難過 於是我給你笑容
誰在乎我的心 還會不會寂寞

曾經以為等待會改變什麼
你總會屬於我
但是最後時間證明了 你只喜歡我

你說我比較像你的好朋友
只是不小心擁抱著
你道歉 你難過 於是我給你笑容
誰在乎我的心 還會不會寂寞

你說過我是你最好的朋友
卻不應該再擁抱著
你退縮 你冷漠　於是我放開雙手
不在乎我的心　會永遠的寂寞

remember that time when we spent whole night discussing what this song is talking about..
arguing about who should be who..
and all the memories..
now i'm dedicating this song to you..
but the line in bold..
i think that there is a different meaning to that which will suit better since i'm dedicating it to you..
i think that it means "you only like me.. not love.."
well.. i don't know if that's the actual meaning of the song..
but anyway i think this should be the meaning when i'm dedicating it to you..
ya.. i wouldn't know if you are here reading this..
but.. nevermind ba..
ARGH!!!
i'm getting crazy le..
take care.. i'm missing you..

3:14 am

18th night..









this is baba in case anyone wanna know.. ^^

hmnx.. i bought this chocolate yesterday while waiting for joleen..

10:57 pm

17th night..


having my engineering mathematics exam tomorrow..
i studied absolutely nothing yet at the moment..

met up with joleen today..
aim: to buy xinrou mei's birthday present..
we walked all around bugis but found nothing suitable..
my feet aching alot..
then joleen ended up buying herself a wallet and some stationery at bras basah popular..
i got nothing except for masking tape.. haha
so anyway..
actually tomorrow should be celebrating mei's birthday at kbox de..
then plan change..
the main lead not free..
so postpone.. no choice..
at the same time, means after exam tomorrow i will be coming home ba.. haix..

i better go study a bit before i head my bed ba..
nitex all..
all d best for ur exam tml.. i miss u lotx..
"每个人的幸福都是来自于另一个人的牺牲与痛苦.."

11:18 pm

16th night..
after she broke wif u, she blocked mi, and leave u unblocked. u too didn't block her..
after u broke wif mi, u blocked mi, n still leavin her unblocked..
i've been such a big fool..
my heart really ultimately broken..

"there's no eternal love on this world..
there's only eternal pain left in the heart.."

i feel aching in my head..
and of course in my heart as well..
i'm crying again after 2 days..
i kept lying to myself for the past 2 days for the sake of stopping my tears..
and now i couldn't control them anymore..

i never expect myself to fall so deeply in love..
maybe not before i get married or what..
but now..
i fell so deep into this endless hole that there's no way i can get out of it..

i should know fairly clear that you really want nothing more to do with me anymore..
i should know fairly clear that you were never mine at all..
i should know fairly clear that it's really over for this relationship..
i should know fairly clear that you really don't love me anymore..
if not you would not bring me this misery..

i'm still being so stubbon..
not willing to give up waiting..
and of course i wouldn't give up..
what exactly am i doing?
i don't know myself anymore..
i only have blankness in my head..

i still love you alot.. no matter what..


蔡依林 - 假裝

呼吸著一種孤獨的味道
心跳在你沉默以後慢慢的被淡忘掉
我笑了笑 反正你看不到
我要的幸福 遺落在你懷抱

當愛失了焦 那些最初的美好
早被你擱在一角
街上擁擠人潮 走著看著都是催眠符號
記憶停不了 穿過讀你的心跳
穿過想你的味道 我只想不被打擾

假裝多好 我只要 只想要 再擁有一秒
去相信你的擁抱 一直會讓我依靠
繼續等待 還心甘情願的不想逃

當愛失了焦 那些最初的美好
早被你擱在一角
街上擁擠人潮 走著看著都是催眠符號
記憶停不了 穿過讀你的心跳
穿過想你的味道 我只想不被打擾

假裝多好 我只要 只想要 再擁有一秒
去相信你的擁抱 一直會讓我依靠
繼續等待 心甘情願不想逃

假裝多好 依然是 依然是 曖昧的tone調
一個人無理取鬧 兩人世界的煎熬
我被自己困在自己設下的圈套

像是駝鳥 相信時間是唯一解藥
視而不見 傻到了無可救藥
其實早明瞭 你的愛已隨風飄
想要找 再也找不到

假裝多好 我只要 只想要 再擁有一秒
去相信你的擁抱 還心甘情願的不想逃
假裝多好 依然是 依然是 曖昧的tone調
一個人無理取鬧 兩人世界的煎熬
我被自己困在自己設下的圈套
假裝自己 已解開冰冷的手銬

11:54 pm

just a short post before i go to bed..

just watched interviews regarding "it started with a kiss 2" thru youtube..
so looking for it sia..
i wanna watch 惡作劇2吻!!! ^^

my dark circles are getting alot darker..
my lips becoming more and more pale...
haix..

gtg.. father chasing again..
nitex all..
zao an in advance..
=)

i miss you..

5:09 am

i watched the comics version once *i think..*,
japanese version twice..

1:42 am

14th night..


these 2 weeks passed so slowly as if 2years were gone..
it was also 2 weeks that time you went overseas..
but this time i'm gonna bear more and many more insufferable days and nights..
i don't know how long more i can take..
tomorrow's ckt exam..
i just started getting my hands onto the notes..
my head is spinning..
what is thevenin's theorem?..
what is topic 14 talking about??..
i know nothing about them at all..
oh my god.. *headache*

will i get a chance to see him tomorrow?..
but i promised him, and myself that i will get out of his sight unless he wants to see me..
so i shall keep to my promise..

hmnx..
i better go back studying le..
i don't want this exam to pull down all my marks..
i miss you alotx..

S.H.E - 我們怎麼了

落淚以前 再看一眼
你 模糊側臉
這會不會是最後紀念
我凝視你 而你凝視
窗外的陰天
一句抱歉都僵在嘴邊

我搞不懂 我們到底怎麼了
誠實的背後 是否 住著傷口
我想不透 我們的愛怎麼了
雨下過以後 是否 能讓什麼 復活

你的項鍊 還在胸前
晃動著昨天
為何回憶會讓人暈眩
如果我們繼續向前走進雨裡面
會不會有溶解的危險

我搞不懂 我們到底怎麼了
誠實的背後 是否 住著傷口
我想不通 我們的愛怎麼了
雨下過以後 是否 能讓什麼 復活

明明從前 連爭執都很甜美
現在怎會 說句話 就弄痛一遍

我搞不懂 我們到底怎麼了
誠實的背後 是否 住著傷口
我想不通 我們的愛怎麼了
雨下過以後 是否 能讓什麼 復活

12:12 am

13th night..


hmnx..
work today is still ok la..
reached there at about 2pm with my usual lunch..
don't know why it seems that time passes faster when working with my father than with my mother.. lol
my dinner was McWings meal which i hadn't have for quite some time..
i had a hard time finishing them.. because you are not there anymore to help me with the drumsticks and fries.. ='(
i'm staying at home tomorrow..
maybe i can force myself to look at the ckt notes..
ARGH!!
don't feel like taking the exams.. if i can't see you..

the pain on my knee is acting up again..
i'm wondering is it similar to the what rheumatism or not..
lol..
cause i heard that those pains will normally act up when the weather gets wet..
it has been raining for the past week or so..
oops.. i think i'm getting older le..
haha..
i think i would be diagnosed with many different types of illness if i ever go for a thorough body checkup ba..
i'm having pains all over my body.. my heart especially..
haha

潘瑋柏 - 我對天空說

記憶原來都堆在雲裡了
常常告訴我忘了些什麼
所以每一次想見你
你就落下來了
愛情是漸漸變了樣子的
束手無策的我向前走
一天一天拭寫掉了
我們從前的快樂

但是 我還是做同樣的夢
思念握住你的手
我的右邊座位現在空空盪盪
假裝你還是我的

我對天空說 你是真的愛我
我喜歡的人之後忘記了我
回憶他一滴一滴 從天上慢慢降落
好像說孩子你別難過
我對天空說你是那麼溫柔
我深愛的人現在抱著誰呢
雨滴他一次一次送走了一些寂寞
可是帶不走那天你說一句 我愛你

愛情是漸漸變了樣子的
束手無策的我向前走
一天一天拭寫掉了
我們從前的快樂

但是 我還是做同樣的夢
思念握住你的手
我的右邊座位現在空空盪盪
假裝你還是我的

我對天空說 你是真的愛我
我喜歡的人之後忘記了我
回憶他一滴一滴 從天上慢慢降落
好像說孩子你別難過
我對天空說你是那麼溫柔
我深愛的人現在抱著誰呢
雨滴他一次一次送走了一些寂寞
可是帶不走你說 我愛你

我對天空說 你是真的愛我
我喜歡的人之後忘記了我
回憶他一滴一滴 從天上慢慢降落
好像說孩子你別難過
我對天空說你是那麼溫柔
我深愛的人現在抱著誰呢
雨滴他一次一次送走了一些寂寞
可是帶不走那天你說一句 我愛你

do you remember this song?..
i miss you..

1:12 am

12th night..


was home whole day..
woke up, lunched, watched tv, slept..
sister back with dinner..
dinnered, watched tv..
and here i am..
boring day..

ckt exam is on friday..
i know nothing of the last few topics..
not planning to study yet.. no motivation..
maybe thursday then read a bit ba..
anyway the exam is at 7pm..
i have whole morning and afternoon to study that day..
see how ba..

tomorrow going to work again..
haix bored..

it seems like he's avoiding me..
i never see him online..
maybe he's really not online.. maybe he blocked me..
haix.. don't know le..

lost for words again..
i'm just like a empty shell now..
everyday look at my handphone hoping for a miracle to happen..
but it's as lonely as me now.. sob

11:36 pm

11th night..


went working again today..
i found out i had been having the same thing for my lunch the past 3 days..
mixed beef noodles + honey milk tea..
nevermind.. i like them..

so today is not as bored compared to the last 2 days..
i helped in packaging the goods my father brought back yesterday night..
so time passed quite fast..
i left the shop at around 7.45pm when my mother reached..
and headed back to tampines..
xinrou called and tell me she saw him at TM..
oh, by the way..
i didn't go TM delibrately to find him.. or maybe i did..
my mother asked me to buy chrysanthemum and bread at NTUC..
so i looked for xinrou first..
anyway i didn't get to see him.. disappointed..=(
maybe he already left by the time i reached..
so i chatted with xinrou and her friends awhile..
then i left because i wanna go home le..
i forgot i need to buy dinner and walked the wrong way..
then i saw trevis, cassandra and roshan studying at mac..
talked awhile with them then i left le..

reached home at 9.30pm..
had my dinner and watched tv..

i forced myself not to think so much today..
i'm beginning to convince myself to accept this cruel reality.. although i dun wish to..
at least i didn't cry today.. up till now..


Energy - 不在乎有沒有以後

獨自在房間的角落
點根煙讓寂寞飄走
說起來失眠也不錯
至少可以不作夢
難道愛會漸漸折舊
連回憶也變成折磨
真心的想給妳一切
妳偏偏只想要自由

現在幾點鐘
風知不知道妳睡了沒有
抬頭仰望著天空
一起擁有過的快樂
像斷了線的氣球

不在乎有沒有以後
愛妳是活著的理由
緊緊的抱住跟妳有關的一切
包括想著妳的心痛
我們還有沒有以後
牽著手幸福的以後
在妳的心中千萬記得還有我
永遠守著我的承諾在等候

難道愛會漸漸折舊
連回憶也都變成折磨
真心的想給妳一切
妳偏偏只想要自由

現在幾點鐘
風知不知道妳睡了沒有
抬頭仰望著天空
一起擁有過的快樂
像斷了線的氣球

不在乎有沒有以後
愛妳是活著的理由
緊緊的抱住跟妳有關的一切
包括想著妳的心痛
我們還有沒有以後
牽著手幸福的以後
在妳的心中千萬記得還有我
永遠守著我的承諾在等候

不在乎有沒有以後
愛妳是活著的理由
緊緊的抱住跟妳有關的一切
包括想著妳的心痛
我們還有沒有以後
牽著手幸福的以後
在妳的心中千萬記得還有我
永遠守著我的承諾在等候

i will continue to wait for a miracle to happen..
i'm not gonna give up..
no matter what..

12:59 am

10th night..


then i tied it over its body from head to toe..just to make myself smile..

12:29 am

1:49 am

8th night..


hmnx.. last day for school today..
didn't have it too well..
reached school at 9.30+am for maths lecture..
slept until almost everyone left the lecture hall..
then for ckt lecture..
the lecturer started with "good morning.. any questions to ask?"
then he followed by "if no question then you all may leave.."
=.=
that's the most and only you ren xing de hua he said ever since the first lecture..
lol..
i would love it if he said that in the past..so i can go find darlin..
but now no more le..
so i spent 1hour walking around engine school and seat down for a rest..
super cold this morning because of the rain.. no more warmth from him..sob..
i had 1 hour break but i was still late for the lab lesson at 11am because was delayed by something.. haix..
the lesson should end at 1pm de but ended early at 12nn because the lab was short and easy to do..
so i had 1 hour to wait before i went for the briefing on japanese singapore xchange programme (jsxp) at 1pm.. haix..
so i joined my classmates at the canteen and i rested there.. bored..

i thought the briefing would last long..
little did i expected it to end before 2pm..
haix.. i had so much time to spare..
was shocked to see kenny there because i thought they not going for the programme le..
hmnx ok..
then i loitered around tampines..
was surprised to him and his friends outside mrt station..
my very first instinct was to just follow behind them..
yupx.. so i did..
without thinking about anything else..
but they left my sight after boarding a bus.. haix..
but i already very happy to be able to see him le.. =D
so the next time i can see him might be during the exams only ba.. haix..
he seems to be very happy without me by his side.. =(
i imagined alotsa things..
alotsa i know wouldn't happen but i wish will happen de things..

reached home before 5pm with honey milk tea with mini pearls..
watched tv and continued with the DIY stuff..
ARRGH!!!!!
tomorrow and sunday gonna help out at my parents' shop cause my daddy went hong kong..
at least i have things to do ba..
if not then sleep there again.. haha..

haven't started studying for the exams yet..
still alotsa things i don't understand..
will try to figure them out myself next week ba.. no choice.. haix..

don't know what to say le..
having mood swings..
hope things will get better ba..
hope my imaginations wouldn't get wilder and wilder..

nitex people..
get me a temp job please..

i miss you..

1:15 am

quoted from xinrou mei's blog..
i think quite true too..

Guys drinks to forget about the girl...
Girls drinks to think back about that guy..

When guys are in love, they become poorer..
But when girls are in love, they become prettier

Guys can forget, but cannot forgive...
Girls can forgive, but cannot forget..

Guys care most about the quantity of love...
But girls care most about the quality of love..

Guys break-up when they feel love from another Girl...
Girls break-up when they feel Separation from her man...

Guys feels curious towards all girls...
Girls feel curious towards the guys who are Interested in her..W

hen guys are heartbroken,they try to forget the girl by going out with other girls...
When girls are heartbroken,they try to find his Characteristics from other guys...

Guys wishes to be her first love....
And girls wishes to be his last love...



now let me do some blogthings..
i'm bored..

Your Dream Engagement Ring Has a Heart Diamond!

You wear your heart on your sleeve, so of course you should also wear it on your ring.A heart diamond is the perfect choice for highlighting your passionate disposition.Only a true romantic can get away with wearing this ring. Luckily, that's you.And only a true romantic can give you this ring, so make sure you find him...!

Your Love Type: ENFP

The Inspirer In love, you are passionate and eager to develop a strong bond.For you, sex should be playful, creative, and affectionate. Overall, you are perceptive and bring out the best in your partner.However, you tend to hold on to bad relationships after they've turned bad. Best matches: INTJ and INFJ

Your Guy Could Bring You Home

When it comes to meeting the parents, you're cool and calm.In fact, you're so self assured, you may forget to try to impress them.Work that famous charm a little more, and your boyfriend's family will be loving you.

really? he didn't even planned to bring me home.. his mother hate me for being a '3rd party' in his past relationship.. haix.. past...

Your Relationship Will Last... A Long Time!

This may be hard for you to swallow, but you and your guy might not lastAt least not forever. He's somewhere between Mr. Right... and Mr. Right NowNo doubt your guy is a great catch - and generally good to youThe odds are, however, that someone better is out there!

i did this with the 'guy' referrin to darlin..
ya.. it doesn't last forever..
but i still want him.. can i??

You Are an Indifferent Ex

You're not one of those girls who thinks about her exes - or even remembers them"Love 'em and Leave 'em" is your motto. And your break ups tend to be a clean break.It's a nice strategy to have, and guys appreciate your total lack of emotional baggage.But just a little reminder: it is okay to remember the good parts of your past, even with exes.

did i answered the questions wrongly??
totally different..
at least i don't want a clear break with him..

He's So Over You, He Needs a New Word For "Over"

Girl, who do you think you're fooling?Your ex isn't play hard to get.He's playing, "Get the hell out of my life"So even if you still have feelings for him...It's time to say adios and find a new man

really?
but i really don't want to..
he's all i wanted..

Guys Think You're Easy to Be With... But Not Easy

And you're crafty enough to get away with it!But you probably wouldn't cheat...(Unless the relationship was pretty much over)

i would NEVER cheat on him.. i swear..

Your Worry Factor is 80%

The amount you worry is definitely borderline unhealthy.Even when things are going well, you find yourself fixating on the negatives. Try to remember the times you've been able to let your worries go.If you can do that again, you'll be much happier!

i really would be happier now if i had not worried so much..
i really regretted.. ='(

You are Not Ready to Date Again

And deep down you probably know it.Your ex is the number one thing on your brain.And you're still suffering from the post break-up blues.This is when you need to take care of yourself - And take a break from men (especially your ex) It's time for you to pamper yourself!Warm bath, plenty of essential oils, and a good book.

i agree totally with this line.. 'Your ex is the number one thing on your brain..'

Your Relationship is Still Building Strength

You're relationship is fairly strong, but you're still working on making things solid.Make sure you're both treating each other with kindness and respect, even when things aren't going well.

i did this thinking that i'm still with him..

You Are 13% Fake

Fake doesn't even come close to describing you.You're totally natural, and proud of who you really are!

yes, of course i'm not fake..

He Loves You For You

When it comes to your body, your guy hardly noticesIt's nothing to do with the way you look...He's just has really fallen for youBut make sure to stay sexy - keep the chemistry going strong!

i can't even if i want.. haix..

You've Already Found Love!

Whether you know it or not, you've already found loveAnd this guy could be it, so hold on to him!And if you're single, start looking more carefully at your guy friendsIt could be anyone you already know, so keep an open mind.

really?
but i only want him..
is he my dream guy?.. or am i his dream girl?

You Are 35% Open

You are open at times, but generally you don't let many people into your inner world.It's possible that you have a friend or two that knows you well.But to most people, you are a total mystery.

quite true..

You Would Do Anything For Love

Anyone who stands between you and love better watch out!You'll do almost anything for your true love - even if it puts your life at risk.You are an old fashioned romantic and believe in unconditional love.Once you love someone, you'll always love them... no matter what.

yes, i love him no matter what..


ok.. think that's all for tonight..
better get my sleep le..
nitex people.. and darlin if u r here.. i miss u..

12:15 am

郭品超-放棄

你放棄了 最後一次努力
認命從此就遠離
曾用盡了力氣 卻從沒有勇氣
讓自己去愛的更徹底

也許愛不曾那麼容易
可以不用心就能美麗
就不會有那麼多人為愛傷心
我們也不會走到這裡

我是真的不願失去你
不想要失去你
不能夠失去你的愛情
想一想我們當初有過的甜蜜
能不能停一停靜一靜
我們曾經一再的尋覓
刻意的去接近
經過深刻的愛情真諦
當傷痕逐漸累積容忍變委屈
能不能不要就放棄

也許愛不曾那麼容易
可以不用心就能美麗
就不會有那麼多人為愛傷心
我們也不會走到這裡

我是真的不願失去你
不想要失去你
不能夠失去你的愛情
想一想我們當初有過的甜蜜
能不能停一停靜一靜
我們曾經一再的尋覓
刻意的去接近經過深刻的愛情真諦
當傷痕逐漸累積容忍變委屈
能不能不要就放棄

我是真的不願失去你
不想要失去你
不能夠失去你的愛情
想一想我們當初有過的甜蜜
能不能停一停靜一靜
我們曾經一再的尋覓
刻意的去接近經過深刻的愛情真諦
當傷痕逐漸累積容忍變委屈
能不能不要就放棄

10:56 pm

7th night..


i stayed up until around 3am to finish my project yesterday..
so didn't have time for a update..

yesterday was a happy cum sad day..
i watched Secret with him.. (the one i really love but i can't be with..)
the show only last for 90mins..
it was too short for me.. i just wanna spend as much time i can with him..
was happy because he was by my side watching the movie with me..
was sad for the fact that i might not have another chance ever again.. ='(
from school, to lunch at food junction at century square, to movie, till waiting for bus at interchange,
i dare not look straight into his eyes for more than 3 seconds..
to be exact, i dare not even look directly in his face throughout the few hours with him..
believe me, i wanted so much to just stare at his face whole day and do nothing at all..
but i knew i would cry if i do that at this kind of situation..
and i could not cry in front of him no more.. he said he would just walk away when i cry..
so i forced myself not to..
except when i was touched during the movie.. and when the movie reminded me of our memories..

in case anyone of you wanna know why both of us went for a movie..
we already agreed to watch it together before anything took place..
it was just a day in difference from our initial plan..14thAug,our 4th month, was the plan..
anyways, i am already delighted when he still keep his promise of watching the movie with me.. =)=) but when will i have another chance again??

hmnx..
tomorrow is considered our last day for this semester..
exams starting next friday and next week is study week..
no need for school..
following will be 1.5months of holiday..
i hate this holiday..
it doesn't come at the right time..
which means that i will have almost 2 long months not being able to see him..
how am i gonna survive during the holidays?
i really have no idea..
please give me a temporary job to help me occupy my time..
i don't want just helping out at my parents' shop..
that wouldn't be enough.. to divert my attention away from thinking about him..
i hate holidays.. without him by my side.. i'm really missing you like hell..

10:56 pm

5th night..


hmnx..
i shall update on today before i get myself to do the project..

i didn't have school because my lecturer wasn't free to conduct the lesson in the morning,
and i already done what i should do for the afternoon lab..
so i just skipped the lecture.. =)

i left home at around 11+am,
and i didn't inform my parents about not having class today..
i went to town and walked around on my own..
i went to the crepe shop sat at the same place, and had the same thing i had a month ago..

evidence of me eating there..

this time things and atmosphere were different because i was there alone today.. haix..
then i walked around...
and went off to find xinrou mei at republic poly..
oh i accompanied ahbing on sms because he was bored at his workplace..

ok so i met up with mei at around 5pm..
we went on to causeway point..
she suggested taking neoprint because it was don't-know-when since we last taken one..
hahaz.. haix..
so this is the outcome..
i don't have a scanner so i can only take it with my own handphone..
not clear but ok la.. haha..

we spent some time there and it was already 6pm when we were done..
i had to reach home by 7pm so we quickly took 168 back..
then on bus mei showed me how to use photoshop using her laptop..
but mine is Gimp..
so i still have to figure it out myself..
then as usual..
i felt giddy because of my motion sickness..
so i rested awhile after that..
and i got home at 7.15pm..
then dinner, tv-ed and bathed..
now blogging and i better be off to do my project le..

ok then..
i just remember this song when i heard it over my 'ipod' today..
and i teared while listening to it..
enjoy ba.. ='(

潘瑋柏 - 我讓你走了

我一直坐在咖啡廳的角落
沒有人發現我還在難過
其實早就已經忘了怎麼說
就算再怎麼捨不得 你還是走了

我還不想承認這事實
怎麼會變成這個樣子
沒有了 我真的什麼都沒有了
就像一個廢人

回家的路上我哭了
眼淚再一次崩潰了
無能為力這樣走著
再也不敢驕傲奢求了
我還能夠說些什麼
我還能夠做些什麼
我好希望你會聽見
因為愛你我讓你走了
我讓你走了Baby

我一直坐在咖啡廳的角落
沒有人發現我還在難過
其實早就已經忘了怎麼說
就算再怎麼捨不得 你還是走了

我還不想承認這事實
怎麼會變成這個樣子
沒有了 我真的什麼都沒有了
就像一個廢人

回家的路上我哭了
眼淚再一次崩潰了
無能為力這樣走著
再也不敢驕傲奢求了
我還能夠說些什麼
我還能夠做些什麼
我好希望你會聽見
因為愛你我讓你走了

回家的路上我哭了
眼淚再一次崩潰了
無能為力這樣走著
再也不敢驕傲奢求了
我還能夠說些什麼
我還能夠做些什麼
我好希望你會聽見
因為愛你我讓你走了
我讓你走了Baby darlin

10:54 pm

4th night..
i wanted so much to see him and hug him..

so yesterday was at home in the afternoon and went out for dinner..
dinner was at Grand Copthorne Waterfront Hotel..
actually the food there was just so-so..
not much food and nothing much special..

ok..
today school..
reached school at 9.30am to maths lecture..
then ckt lecture..
i'm surprised that i didn't sleep during the lectures today..
then had a listening test..
not much confidence in getting good marks..
maths tutorial and got back my quiz paper..
i thought i did wrongly for a sum..
so my classmates bluffed me..
ok then had lunch with some of them at design school since i had got nothing to do..
2pm and they went off..
leaving me doing nothing in school..
just walk around, sit down, walk around sit down.. blah blah..
haix.. i didn't get what i wanted..
left school and to interchange at 4+pm..
walked around aimlessly.. buy bubble tea..
saw some familiar faces..
sat down at the interchange..
a guy walked towards me and it was Clive, my near 8yrs -pri cum sec (cchms) sch fren..
he lives near me and he suggested walking home..
since i was also like don't know what to do..
so ok lo..
then walked until left 2bus stops from my house,
we were tired and so we changed to a bus back home..
it was 8months since i last saw him..
and the moment i saw him i cried because he asked me what i doing there when i was just sitting at the interchange doing nothing..
ok.. thanks Clive for accompanying me and trying to cheer me up.. =)
i was home before 6pm..
watched 'it started with a kiss'..
cried again.. haix.. i miss him lot lot lotx..

this is a song which quite suit my feelings..
2nd track on the playlist..


阿桑- 葉子

葉子 是不會飛翔的翅膀
翅膀 是落在天上的葉子
天堂 原來應該不是妄想
只是我早已經遺忘
當初怎麼開始飛翔

孤單 是一個人的狂歡
狂歡 是一群人的孤單
愛情 原來的開始是陪伴
但我也漸漸地遺忘
當時是怎樣有人陪伴

我一個人吃飯 旅行 到處走走停停
也一個人看書 寫信 自己對話談心
只是心又飄到了哪裡 就連自己看也看不清
我想我不僅僅是失去你
我一個人吃飯 旅行 到處走走停停
也一個人看書 寫信 自己對話談心
只是心又飄到了哪裡 就連自己看也看不清
我想我不僅僅是失去你

孤單 是一個人的狂歡
狂歡 是一群人的孤單
愛情 原來的開始是陪伴
但我也漸漸地遺忘
當時是怎樣有人陪伴

我一個人吃飯 旅行 到處走走停停
也一個人看書 寫信 自己對話談心
只是心又飄到了哪裡 就連自己看也看不清
我想我不僅僅是失去你
我一個人吃飯 旅行 到處走走停停
也一個人看書 寫信 自己對話談心
只是心又飄到了哪裡 就連自己看也看不清
我想我不僅僅是失去你

葉子 是不會飛翔的翅膀
翅膀 是落在天上的葉子

what can i do to get you back?

11:46 pm

2nd night..


hmnx..was home the whole day..

1:16 am

1st night..

10/8/07 - 3.28am..
the end of my everything..
no words can describe how depressed i am..
i couldn't believe this happening..
at least not happening this soon..
no matter what i promised i would do;
no matter what i promised i would change;
no matter how much i don't want this to happen..
the decision was already up..
i couldn't change it..
this must be my retribution..
i brought this upon myself..
there is no one else i can blame..
i don't know what i can do now..
my life seems totally voided..
i'm seriously lost..
there is no more motivation left for me..
i'm aimless in my life now..
crying is the only thing i know..
i can't imagine what my life would be like from now on..
i know no matter what i say or do can salvage the relationship..
i already tried my best..
i can only wait..
wait for him to forgive whatever wrong i had done,
and be with me again..
ARGH!!!
i really don't know how to carry on now..
even my hair is leaving me..

this is how much hair i lost just today when i shampooed..
haix..
i really don't want that to happen..
i know he's irritated by me..
even myself think i am irritating..
but i couldn't stop myself..
i love him just too much..
so i can only blame myself for this outcome..
i'm willing to do anything just to get him back..
i don't want to lose him..
never will i want to.. ='(

this is the song he once dedicated to me..
now i'm dedicating it back to him..
although i know he wouldn't come here..
but i still wish that he will..

Just So You Know-Jesse McCartney

I shouldn't love you but I want you
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all Before I go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all Before I go
Just so you know

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all Before I go
Just so you know
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all Before I go
Just so you know

11:07 pm

boo..


our mini buffet..

10:58 pm

hi blog..
i'm currently in school library having my 1hr break..
just had my lunch- kuay chap (or however you spell it)..
was kinda full because we were rushing for time..
oh ya i had my lunch with darlin and friends..
they are having lessons now..
so you see why i'm alone.. hahaz..

ok.. yesterday night i was rushing for my project which should be due today..
there are 2 files of pages which i was planning to print them out in school..
so i thought i saved them in my thumbdrive..
this morning when i was in the printing room,
i realised that I SAVED THE WRONG FILE..
=.= then i was like so frustrated because i stayed up until 2+am to finish them,
and the blur idiotic me saved the wrong file..
so ARGH!!!
don't know i should laugh or cry..
my lecturer say whole class pass up next thursday...
wth??
i should laugh because i have one more week to beautify my project, and i don't have to worry about handing it up late..
but i should cry because i stayed up until so late,
didn't have sufficient sleep, and now you tell me we can hand in a week later???
=.=

ok, anyways..
since he say next week then next week lo..
boo!!
and i will be presenting my speech to the whole class on the same day too..
actually i should be presenting it today according to the arrangement..
then because i'm just nice at the middle number of the class..
my lecturer ask me to choose on today or next tuesday..
so naturally i said next week.. lolx..
then today he say class change to thurs..
so i have addition 2 more days to prepare myself for the presentation.. ^^
everyone have to wear formal sia..
so paiseh de..
hahahaz.. =P=P

ok.. i think i should get going..
oh 100.3FM DJ is in my school for some recruiting event..
hahaz..
happy day~ =D=D

1:35 pm

hello guys..
i'm now waiting for my hair to dry..
so come to update on a simple and boring i had today..
haha..

i woke up at 3plus pm today..
was kinda sick.. flu..
spent 2 hrs finishing the bowl of super salty porridge made by my mummy..
=P=P
then was on my task of making a present to 'someone'..
^^
i ate another 1/2 a bowl of the porridge again at 9plus..
following was ironing the whole stack of clothes which started accumulating a week ago..
~~~
then i bathed and here i am blogging..

so can see that i had a super boring day today??
and oh ya..
i spent most of the time changing channels..
there are no interesting tv programmes on saturday afternoons..
so it made my day seemed longer although i woke up at 3+..
and somemore my darlin had went to church so couldn't pei me for a talk on phone or anything..
that made my day seemed longer and longer and alot lot longer~~~
boo....

i think tomorrow will be another boring day for me le ba..
gotta do my project le..
then don't feel like going anywhere also..
maybe only go out buy food eat.. hahahaz..

ok guys..
i think i shall go rest le..
so cya guys..
wan an~

2:11 am

i'm bored..
darlin turned in so much earlier for the past few days..
he's like always sleeping as long as he has nothing to do..
becoming more piggy then me le..
boo..
i only sleeps alot during lectures.. hahaz..
my classmates are starting to give up the right corner seat to me for every lecture because that's my seat for sleeping so i can lean on the wall.. ^^

ok, since i'm talking about my classmates..
i'm getting along quite fine with the guys bit by bit..
most of them are jokers..
but it seems that i'm always the main lead of their jokes cause i'm the only girl in the class..
=.=
at least they don't despise me and let me join them for meals whenever my darlin couldn't accompany me..
hahaz..
i shall be forgiving and excuse them because of that.. ^^

well well..
my sister is currently on a holiday in hong kong with her friends..
i don't have to see her face for a week..
*i thank god for that.. ^^*
and i wrote her a shopping list..
hopefully she gets what i want.. hahaz..

lalalalala~~
bored again..
exams are coming up in around 3 weeks' time..
the first paper is at 7-9pm..
lolx.. that will be my first time taking a exam so late..
i'm scared i would fall asleep in the process.. =P=P

i'm now observing a don't-know-what-insect crawling on my screen..
it's like going round and round on the screen..
doesn't know where is the way out.. lolx..

i'm tired already..
don't have any plan for tomorrow..
but sure will be a boring day again..
cya people..
wan an..

12:57 pm