heart ultimately broken..

i finally realise whatever thing i do,

the fact just wouldn't change..

it was planned, and determined not to change..

i hope i wouldn't wake from my dreams..

i hate this reality.

i was bored and played with a cable wire tie..

then i made jaja a necklance.. do u rem jaja and sasa?

then i tied it over my wrist and i stopped there..

you didn't give me any hope..

but i kept giving myself false hopes..

however, they are now all dashed..

i can't even have the right to just hope now..

how i wish i was just dreaming for the past 10 days..

how i wish i could go back time to the first day i entered class 4A..
how i wish i did not take your words for jokes that time..

how i wish i had made a different choice that same time..

how i wish we didn't go through anything to be together..

how i wish i had not gone back on my words the other time..

how i wish i had not worried so much..

how i wish i had not done things which turn things into this way now..

how i wish.. all my how-i-wish would come true..

god..

can i have my 20th, 21st , 22nd , 23rd, 24th, 25th, 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th, 30th...

and all my following birthday wishes to exchange for just 1 wish now..?

am i being very childish now?

i guess so..

i've lost my self..

i've lost hope in everything..

i'm getting my retribution..

i hate myself..