1st night..

10/8/07 - 3.28am..
the end of my everything..
no words can describe how depressed i am..
i couldn't believe this happening..
at least not happening this soon..
no matter what i promised i would do;
no matter what i promised i would change;
no matter how much i don't want this to happen..
the decision was already up..
i couldn't change it..
this must be my retribution..
i brought this upon myself..
there is no one else i can blame..
i don't know what i can do now..
my life seems totally voided..
i'm seriously lost..
there is no more motivation left for me..
i'm aimless in my life now..
crying is the only thing i know..
i can't imagine what my life would be like from now on..
i know no matter what i say or do can salvage the relationship..
i already tried my best..
i can only wait..
wait for him to forgive whatever wrong i had done,
and be with me again..
ARGH!!!
i really don't know how to carry on now..
even my hair is leaving me..

this is how much hair i lost just today when i shampooed..
haix..
i really don't want that to happen..
i know he's irritated by me..
even myself think i am irritating..
but i couldn't stop myself..
i love him just too much..
so i can only blame myself for this outcome..
i'm willing to do anything just to get him back..
i don't want to lose him..
never will i want to.. ='(

this is the song he once dedicated to me..
now i'm dedicating it back to him..
although i know he wouldn't come here..
but i still wish that he will..

Just So You Know-Jesse McCartney

I shouldn't love you but I want you
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all Before I go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all Before I go
Just so you know

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all Before I go
Just so you know
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all Before I go
Just so you know

11:07 pm