49th night..work.. rained..
my heart rained as well..
i was so depressed that i don't know how to describe my feelings..
i went home early when my daddy reached the shop..
i don't know how to face them with my reddened eyes..
my tears fell continuosly down my cheeks while on my whole journey home..
i could no longer tear quietly so i dropped off from the bus a stop before mine..
i walked in the rain and cried on the way home..
what had happened to me?
i lost my self..
i lost direction of my life..
i lost everything..
i lost
you..
i am no longer needed in
your life..
not needed in anything..
u said u wan nth more to do wif mi anymore..and that's the end..
my heart just sank as if there's no end to it..
i'm wrong..
utterly wrong..
i'm wrong in everything i think, in everything i do..
in everything.. just everything of me are wrong..
i make mistakes all my life..
me myself is one big mistake..
i really hate myself deep to the core..
i hate what i did..
what i had done are just so ridiculous..
how i wish i can turn back time and undo them..
erase them off my mind, off my life..
maybe i would be a little happy woman with
the man i love now..
but what had i done to myself?
oh my god.. please kill me..
i'm useless to this world anyway..
just send me a death sentence and get it done asap..
i have no courage to kill myself despite trying..
no courage to do anything against the law..
i'm just a coward who is seeking for death..
so i need your help god..
that's the least i'm asking for now..
amen
going SP tomorrow..
support
jiaqing in hey! gorceous..
mainly because i want to go out rather than staying at home..
i had no place in mind to go so i consider it visiting my old classmates..
i even thought of going k-box alone..
leave it to next time then..
bye blog..
bye my love..
