122nd night..during this period of time every month since august,
i will automatically turn moody..
not because of the girl's thing,
but because of the break between me and
him..
i'm still not recovering from it..
i've gotten absolutely nothing over it yet..
i admit that i've been deluding others and also myself..
i thought that i can get over it and carry on my life even without
him..
but i can't..
i know clearly well that i can't..
i might seem hyperactive sometimes with my girlfriends, joking around with them..
but once they don't see me,
that's the depressed face i got again..
it has been 4 months..
4 whole months, 122 days and nights..
there wasn't a single day tears don't drop from my eyes..
i always tell myself that it's only a dream where
he's not with me..
so at least i will feel better..
but everytime when i was forced to wake up by the cruel reality,
i felt like dying..
my heart aches so often that i've forgotten the feeling when it don't hurt..
term test is starting in the afternoon..
i tried getting myself filled with maths formula..
but i seriously couldn't get anything in..
it was filled with
him,
him and still
him..
there's no space for anything else..
argh!!sometimes i wish that i suffer from a lose of memory..
then maybe i will also feel better since i don't remember any unhappy things happened..
I REALLI HATE X'MAS NOW!!i hate to be reminded that i'll be alone during the festival which i used to love the most..
maybe i will not be alone,
maybe my girl friends will ask me out..
but i only want to spend it with
him..
even if there are other friends around,
i don't mind..
even if
his eyes will not be on me,
i don't mind..
even if
his heart will also not with me,
i don't mind..
as long as
he's the one beside me on that day,
nothing else matters..
he's everything on the world i need..
i love him lots.. chan liang kwang jared..
