158th night..
hu was dat gal beside u hu has her bag on u?
i was so heart broken dat i feel lik being banged down straight away..
i'm NOT in any good mood..
i've cried alot just today alone..
in class, in bus, in mrt, at the shop, while bathing, currently while typing this post..
and i guess i will again later on bed..
*god please tell me that they are all illusions i saw..*

now i don't look forward for my birthday..
not even chinese new year,
and let alone valentines' day..
i want not any special occasions..
i just wanna live my life doing the same thing everyday..
wake up in the morning, go school, come home, watch tv, use computer, sleep..
that's what i want my life now to be..
schoolling can be replaced with working..
i just want my life to be packed and packed and packed..
i want not any free time to be doing nothing..
i want not any free time to be thinking and imaging things anymore..
i'm really tired of crying and deluding myself every now and then..
i'm really tired of pretending to be happy and laugh when i know i'm not at all feeling good..
i'm yet but close to being berserk..
i found myself talking to myself, staring into vast space, walking away from crowds, tearing for no apparent reason, being in an empty shell..
i'm unsure of how long more i can take..
i feel my head expanding and it will explode anytime..
but no matter wat happens to mi, u're still most loved by mi..
maybe i should change the topic to lighten up the atmosphere.. ^^

as it was my 20th birthday according to the chinese calendar,
my mother suggested buying cakes to celebrate it..
what's there to celebrate when there are only 2 person in the whole house??
anyway it was only sliced cakes and obviously i got coco exotic..
ya, there were quite a number of memories regarding coco exotic alone..
haix.. all were wif u..
so this is my birthday 'cake'.. haha
my mother sang happy birthday song ALONE..
i was just smiling when she sang that..
then wishes were made..
i doubt my 20th birthday wishes will ever come true..
if they do, i will..... anything you all want.. hahahow nice that smile is.. sorry but i've tried my very best..

ARGH!! blank blank BLANK!!!
my right eye is blinking since yesterday..
so *it* is what it was trying to tell me..
a bad omen.. wat's ur relationship wif her?
i'm gone.. bye.. i was juz behind u but ur eyes were on her.. i'm already gone frm ur eyes..

1:55 am