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i'm super depressed now..
1st of all, of course is because i miss my darlin* lots..
days without him by my side seem so miserable..
nothing is going well..
and thus i tend to tear easily nowadays..
sigh
2nd, because of the assignments..
blame on myself for not starting on them early..
now i'm left with only a few days..
i really dont know how i can handle them all..
there are group ones, there are individual ones..
i dont wish to pull down the grades of the group members, but i know not how to pull them up either..
sigh
what's worse, i dont know how to research on them..
even if i found something, i couldnt comprehend them completely..
thus i'm unable to answer when the lecturers bomb me questions..
sigh..
3rd, because of my studies..
i'm not good in studying right from the start..
just pure luck that i get into the course which most engineering students wants..
i know clearly that i wouldnt be able to pass..
argh!!!
i'm gonna breakdown soon again..
think of studies and i'll end up in tears..
sigh
4th, because of friends..
sigh..
seriously speaking..
how many true friends do i have?
i dont have a BEST friend..
at least i know that no one treats me as one..
there might be a few good friends, normal friends, hi-bye friends..
but BEST?
sigh
i dont usual talk to others about my problems face-to-face, because i know i will end up in tears again..
i dont really know who's interested in my problems..
i dont know if i would be bothering others..
i dont know if people will find me annoying..
i always hope to have outings with friends, just wanna spend time with those not met for a long time..
but.. do they want?
they have their own circle of friends, they are not obliged to accompany me to do anything..
when i'm bored, i too want to find people to chat, or go out walk walk, play some sports, or anything..
but it's always the few people on my list..
and they are not always free..
i'm not too, i know..
that explains the drift..
i envy those who have their clinque of friends..
they can always go out in a group, have fun, and do all kinds of crazy acts..
i once thought that i have that kind of clinque..
but nah, i'm always wrong..
in a class of all guys make me feel worse than worst..
i feel that it's always me clinging on them and following them around when i'm not at all welcomed..
and yes, i'm always feeling extra because i'm always quiet when they chat..
simply because i dont belong to their circle..
it doesnt make any difference whether i'm there or not..
at least i myself think so..
my heart felt better in year 2.1 because there were people from other class joining us..
and thus there were girls..
notice that i say "there were girls" instead of "there were more girls"?
haha
it was what the guys always said..
i knew they were joking..
but they didnt know how i felt..
i think i'm getting too emotional..
it shouldnt be that way..
argh
i just wanna rant on my blog..
blahhhhhh 1:31 am |
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